Most of us have friends, acquaintances, family members, you name it, who have a collection of stories that makes you wonder how they’re still alive and how much of their mythology is real. That’s part of the fun of it, I guess, knowing this person has seen some insane shit and somehow lived to deliver these wild memories to eager ears.

Far be it for anyone to doubt the authenticity Megan Osztrosits’ stories, because this is real shit, stuff she’s seen, experienced, survived, and that somehow made her one of the most engaging vocalists in all of heavy music. That must mean we have a new Couch Slut record, and you bet your ass we do on “You Could Do It Tonight,” their fourth LP. Along with Osztrosits are guitarist Dylan DiLella, guitarist/flute player/trumpet player Amy Mills, bassist/synth player Kevin Hall, and drummer/synth player Theo Nobel, who reward your indulgence to jump into the madness with nine tracks that box in your head. The music has grown a bit more experimental and daring, the vocals still grabbing you by the throat, inviting you to digest a series of stories and events that could break most people. At the same time, it’s fun as fuck, a record that’ll terrify 9 out of 10 people completely. Or, depending on the people, 10 out of 10. By the way, we also get some guttural guest vocal spots from Doug Moore (Pyrrhon, Scarcity) and Zachary Ezrin (Imperial Triumphant, Folterkammer).

“Couch Slut Lewis” screams with feedback as the bass drives, Osztrosits’ snarling howls feeling like jagged glass across your chest. The vibe feels ominous and dark, which judging by the track’s story is fitting. The playing spirals and makes your extremities feel swollen, Osztrosits wailing, “The spit and handprints all down her neck, she looked up at me, and god was she pissed.” “Ode to Jimbo,” a tribute to Brooklyn bar Jimbo Slim’s, swirls and dizzies, the sinister, yet joyful intent delivered on the menace of Osztrosits’ singing. The playing pounds and gasps, guitars turning on added heat, smoking and obscuring, Osztrosits howling, “Buried! Goodnight, spilled my beer in the backseat of the car,” as the track comes to a scathing end. “Wilkinson’s Sword” brings more melodic guitars, Osztrosits’ wails telling a harrowing tale of rifling through a doctor’s cabinet, eventually lifting some disposable scalpels. Guitars wash as the bass smears, trudging and ending in soot. “The Donkey” opens with sounds whirring, Osztrosits narrating a story about her and her friends getting fired from a haunted waterpark. Would you believe blood was involved? The song is part spoken, part shrieked, dissonant guitars warping your mind. Things keep pounding harder, and finally the tension lifts musically, but the tale isn’t over, Osztrosits recounting a profession of love coupled with an invitation to live in someone’s grandfather’s backyard shed.

“Presidential Welcome” is an interlude, and it’s also a welcome to side B, spoken by Joseph Bone who proclaims himself the president of side B. Hails. “Energy Crystals for Healing” goes hard, the bass clobbering, the guitars making you grasp the wall for balance. The howls gut as the trudging leans into scathing heat, the guitars burning like a tire fire. “I told her yes in the parking lot,” Osztrosits belts, “I told her yes once inside,” as the tension tightens like a vice around a head, ending in a bludgeoning. “Downhill Racer” is both melodic and manic, the guitars searching and then strangling, atmospheric carnage stretching like a storm. Growls carve over throats as the track gets uglier and more heated, suddenly ending in a psychedelic splash. “Laughing and Crying” bubbles and lathers before Osztrosits’ shrieks peel back flesh as she calls, “Quiet as a mouse, lips over teeth, fingers over mouths.” Guitars turn more hypnotic, drubbing and stabbing, the noise scraping at wounds nowhere near healing. “The Weaversville Home for Boys” is in the vein of “Won’t Come” and “Someplace Cheap,” a record ender that’ll stick in your psyche for long after you hear the track. Osztrosits howls most of the story, a tale of three boys who escaped said home for boys and went on a violent reign of terror throughout the area. The playing is grimy and confrontational, a strange recounting of a seeming urban legend turned possibly true by the startling twist at the end. The final moments feel like it’s dropping you off a cliff, the playing letting you fall quickly and violently to your demise.

“You Could Do It Tonight” is another mentally scarred, openly bleeding collection of metallic noise rock that is unlike anything else you’ll hear from anyone. Yes, a lot of that is Osztrosits’ acidic and chaotic delivery, as well as the nature of her stories, but the rest of Couch Slut provide the perfect setting to all of this, doing more than their part to leave deep gashes. Every Couch Slut record is an experience that makes you feel like you blacked out on some strange substance, have spotty recollection of what occurred in that time, and are left to deal with the aftermath for years and years to come.

For more on the band, go here: https://www.facebook.com/couchslut

To buy the album, go here: https://www.brutalpandarecords.com/collections/couch-slut

For more on the label, go here: https://www.brutalpandarecords.com/