Meat Mead Metal gets excited about AEW All Out, not feeling all insulted buying a PPV show

This Sunday is AEW’s All Out PPV from Chicago’s Sears Center, where you get free thatched belts and tools at the door. Actually, it’s called something else now. But yeah, this is essentially the biggest AEW show of the year since it’s tied to All In, the show that started AEW, which ROH has to be thrilled about. I don’t feel like explaining that. As noted before, we’re a metal site posing as a wrestling site, and this is one of the key shows of the entire year. The card looks pretty good, but the only match that’s really a can’t miss is the return of CM Punk to pro wrestling. That’s huge. The rest of the card looks like a fun time, and there’s no question this will be an awesome show. AEW doesn’t do bad PPVs, and you never walk away feeling like an asshole for giving them your money. So, let’s look at this show.

Women’s Casino Battle Royal: 21 women enter, and whoever survives gets a shot at the Women’s title somewhere down the road. The entire field has yet to be announced, but Nyla Rose, The Bunny, Big Swole, Penelope Ford, Red Velvet, Hikaru Shida, Tay Conti, Julia Hart, and Diamante all have been confirmed, and there’s a good chance the wild card will be the debuting Ruby Soho, who was ridiculously misused in WWE, which is not big shock.  

Paul Wight vs QT Marshall: This is basically a showcase match for Wight, the former Big Show in WWE. Should be kept short with Wight knocking Marshall the fuck out and winning easily. This also is Wight’s first AEW match, and Marshall is underappreciated by a lot of fans.

Jon Moxley vs Satoshi Kojima: This was supposed to be Hiroshi Tanahashi in the Kojima spot, but he’s needed in Japan, so Mox instead gets the long-time veteran and bread enthusiast. This still should be a really good match as Kojima can still go, and Mox is at the top of his game. By the way, Mox looks a little bulkier these days, which actually suits him really well for his role. Plus, this should just be fun as hell.

Chris Jericho vs MJF: OK, this will be all the real complaining I do. AEW is refreshing for not doing 700 rematches. Except this feud. Fuck. Come on. Their last match was perfect. MJF gets the tapout. The end. But no. We get match 4. If Jericho loses, he never wrestles in AEW again. That’s not happening. If it does, I take this all back. I don’t want to see MJF lose. Not now. Not for a long time. Not until he’s the world champion and loses to whoever comes next. In the meantime, Jericho can give more of his stupid money to shitty Donald Trump.

CM Punk vs Darby Allen: This is the real main event, and who knows? Maybe it’ll go on last. This is Punk’s first match in seven years, and Allen is a great opponent for him. Allen is cut from the same cloth as Punk, and even in defeat, he’s going to come out of this looking great. This is a big test for Punk. Obviously. But, apparently he looked strong in training and during filming of “Heels,” so no question he shines here. And Chicago will melt to the ground for him.

AEW TNT TITLE MATCH Miro vs Eddie Kingston: OK, maybe complaint two. I wish this match actually was happening at Arthur Ashe Stadium in Flushing, NY, later in the month with Kingston winning. But I’m not the booker, and probably for good reason. This should be two dudes just beating the shit out of each other, and there’s no doubt it’s going to be really fun. I predict I yell the most during this match.

AEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH Britt Baker vs Kris Statlander: The outcome feels like a foregone conclusion, which is Baker winning. No other finish makes sense. I don’t want to short change them though, because I think this match is going to be really good. Baker is without question one of the most improved wrestlers in all of wrestling in every category. Statlander returned from a serious knee injury and is finally, no pun intended, getting her legs back under her. Statlander’s time will come, but it’s not now. Thunder Rosa up next for Baker?

AEW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH The Young Bucks vs The Lucha Bros.: This is going to be contested in a steel cage, which makes sense because the Elite keep interfering in Young Bucks matches, so the cage should prevent that. Or it won’t. If this was WWE, like a million people would get in the cage. Then Lilly the fucking doll would scare Don Callis. OK, this is AEW, and the Bucks, Penta, and Fenix are going to do some insane shit in this match. I’m really curious to see how they use the cage to their advantage. Also, since it’s pin or submission, leaving the cage isn’t an issue, though I hope they keep it within the cage. Fuck. If this match is bad, then we have no hope as a society. Oh wait. We don’t anyway. No, this is going to rule. This could be match of the night.

AEW WORLD TITLE MATCH Kenny Omega vs Christian: This also is a foregone conclusion. Kenny Omega is not losing the title to Christian. Period. The end. And that’s OK. Tony Kahn did a nice booking trick of having Christian go over Omega for the Impact title on the debut episode of Rampage to heat up this match, but come on, man. It’s not time for Omega to lose, not until he faces Hangman Page. He and Christian will have a really good match, but this belt isn’t changing. And that’s the right call. Plus, the rumor is Bryan Danielson debuts on this show, so does he show up afterward to challenge Omega?