Heavy music is a place where darkness is most welcome, as artists shed demons, bask in evil, and lash back at a society that’s growing increasingly more hostile. Yet, there are scars that run even deeper than that, life events that can cut you to your core and change you forever, leaving distress and depression in its wake. Those have a place as well, and hopefully the music can provide healing for the creator.
Gggolddd vocalist Milena Eva dug to the deepest, darkest, most hideous place imaginable for the band’s new record “This Shame Should Not Be Mine.” Over the pandemic, Eva confronted something she had hidden away, namely her rape at the age of 19 at the hands of someone she loved. Trauma, loneliness, shame, and depression followed, forever impacting her, and we hear the aftermath of her personal journey through that on these 10 tracks. Eva and the rest of the band—guitarists Jaka Bolič, Vincent Shore, and Thomas Sciarone (he also handles electronics), bassist Danielle Warners, drummer Igor Wouters—delve more into electronics on this record, with the cutting, blunt, sometimes cathartic words having a heavy impact. Other survivors could find some of the material tough to handle, while others might identify their own experiences in Eva’s fire. That’s not for me to decide. But there’s a good chance there will be myriad reactions and feelings sparked by the music for anyone who has felt the same awful pain. Quick side note: The band previously was known simply as Gold and have four other full-length records under that moniker.
“I Wish I Was a Wild Thing With a Simple Heart” starts amid disarming noises and strange synth, Eva’s delivery getting right to the point. Her vocals slither as the dramas builds, guitars cut through mystery, and crazed voices at the end pay off the anxiety. “Strawberry Supper” dawns with synth quivering and Eva leveling, “I wanted to be loved like everyone else.” Foreboding beats arrive as the message gets darker, with Eva jabbing, “Did you ever think about the receipts I kept?” She sets on fire the insulting “boys will be boys” excuses, letting her rage loose to scorch those who deserve it. “Like Magic” has guitars gazing as the atmosphere builds, Eva admitting, “I was an easy target.” Her vocals are higher as synth bites, beats thump, and dark waves wash over you, leaving as the ground rumbles beneath. “Spring” pulsates and tingles, Eva calling, “Outside, flowers claim it’s spring,” though her demeanor is hardly able to feel that positive energy. The center tears open, spilling deeply and filling the room, guitars gush, and the end is enveloped in sound. “Invisible” has drums leading the way, synth glimmering, and the vocals again the main force. “I’ve been looking down, I try to keep it all a secret, from the depths of my gut, I wanna throw it all up, but I keep it all inside,” Eva levels painfully. The chorus is quiet but compelling, Eva calling, “Invis-ible” as the track plods and slips into the night.
“I Won’t Let You Down” is the longest track here, running 7:26 and bringing disarming noises as the track trickles open. “I won’t disappoint you,” Eva promises, “I won’t cause you trouble,” as the chorus stretches, keys zap, and everything floods over, the emotions filling your chest and mind. “Notes on How to Trust” would be an absolutely killer pop-style song, but with so much hurt and trauma packed into it, feeling good energy would be the wrong thing to do. “Where do I go? Who do I follow? Who bring me joy? Who brings me sorrow? How do I make sure I don’t go through this again?” Eva calls over the chorus, a heartbreaking sentiment surrounding by alluring synth, crashing beats, and stormy emotion. The title track arrives in bubbly keys and ominous vocals, making the unease palpable. “Who said I’m useless? Who told me I’m to blame? Stuck in this armor I’m creased and crushed into this shape,” Eva levels, the imagery related to what you see on the album cover. The playing is mesmerizing and alluring, blurring and trickling, draining away. “On You” is built on mostly just Eva’s voice, her singing joined by a robotic twin offering the same lines. “You put your filth on me,” she jolts, her hushed defiance a major force that works its way through the song and into your brain. “Beat By Beat” closes the record, starting with synth slicing swatches, and finally Eva finds some light for herself as she sings, “It’s time for some healing now, I will give myself a break.” The track itself breaks open and gets heavier, gazey playing glazing, and Eva’s singing building strength, the track sludging heavily before fading away.
The events that led to “This Shame Should Not Be Mine” is fucking heartbreaking, criminal, and dehumanizing, and the fact that Eva not only lived to tell about it but also found strength to explore her wounds in this manner is a triumph for her. This is Gggolddd’s most important statement to date, musically and lyrically, and we hope the sentiment of healing found in the final track is realized at its highest level. All hail Eva’s bravery, power, and conviction, and hopefully other survivors out there can find solace and venom on this record and find a way to heal their own wounds as their attackers dissolve into a pool of their own cowardice and piss.
For more on the band, go here: https://www.facebook.com/GGGOLDDDofficial
To buy the album, go here: https://gggolddd.com/
For more on the label, go here: https://artoffact.com/